Shameless 'self-promoters' rewarded at work. Narcissists 'irritating but successful'. Narcissism 'bad route to popularity'. Image source, Getty Images. Narcissism seems to be on the rise, whether in social media or politics. Narcissists might be irritating, but they're also successful Self-promoters do nothing but still get ahead at work Is narcissism on the rise?
Like bullying, hater behavior is something that a person does — it is not who they are, and it can be changed. Often, haters pick on people whom they perceive as being different from themselves.
Being the focus of negative and critical comments can be upsetting and trigger feelings of anger, hurt, and confusion, and cause the person being criticized to question their self-worth and behavior. If the negative comments are posted online, it can also make someone afraid to use their social media accounts or feel ashamed of what is happening there. Teens who feel overwhelmed by all the drama on social media will often unfriend or unfollow people online to disengage. Ignore it. Walk away.
If it continues, there are other things you can do. Even if the bugs had names, and you could hear their shells painfully crunching? And would you take a perverse pleasure from blasting an innocent bystander with an excruciating noise? Essentially, he wants to answer a question we all may have asked: why do some people take pleasure in cruelty? Not just psychopaths and murderers — but school bullies, internet trolls and even apparently upstanding members of society such as politicians and policemen.
It is easy, he says, to make quick and simplistic assumptions about these people. Then, a little more than a decade ago, his grad student Kevin Williams suggested that they explore whether these self-absorbed tendencies are linked to two other unpleasant characteristics — Machiavellianism the coolly manipulative and psychopathy callous insensitivity and immunity to the feelings of others.
It is surprising how candid his participants can often be. You would imagine those traits would be too shameful to admit — but, at least in the laboratory, people open up, and their answers do seem to correlate with real-life bullying, both in adolescence and adulthood.
They are also more likely to be unfaithful to their spouses particularly those with Machiavellian and psychopathic tendencies and to cheat on tests.
Even so, since Paulhus tends to focus on everyday evil rather than criminal or psychiatric cases, the traits are by no means apparent on the first meeting. But it catches your attention here or there. If someone is rubbing you the wrong way, recognise those feelings and then let them go without engaging with the person. Sometimes just smiling and nodding will do the trick. The key, Patel says, is in treating everyone you meet with the same level of respect. That doesn't mean you have to agree with a person you don't like or go along with what they say, but you should act civilised and be polite.
In doing this, you can remain firm on your issues but not come across like you're attacking someone personally, which should give you the upper hand.
More often than not a disagreement is probably a misunderstanding. If not, and you really do fundamentally disagree with someone, then try and see it from their perspective. Try not to overreact, because they may overreact in return, meaning things escalate quickly and fiercely.
Try to rise above it all by focusing on facts, and try to ignore how the other person is reacting, no matter how ridiculous or irrational. Concentrate on the issue, Patel says, not the person. If you need some space, take it. You're perfectly within your rights to establish boundaries and decide when you interact with someone. If you feel yourself getting worked up, take a time-out and get some breathing space. President of TalentSmart Dr. Travis Bradberry explains it simply in a post on LinkedIn: if they were smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling the second-hand smoke?
No, you'd move away and get some fresh air. Usually, the way we communicate is more important than what we actually say. If someone is repeatedly annoying you and it's leading to bigger problems, Patel says it's probably time to say something.
However, confrontation doesn't have to be aggressive. Patel recommends you use "I" statements, such as "I feel annoyed when you do this, so could you please do this instead.
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